In a twist wilder than a Lambeau Leap gone wrong, Green Bay Packers center Josh Myers has dropped a bombshell that’s left the NFL reeling just weeks before the 2025 NFL Draft. The man who’s spent four seasons snapping balls to Jordan Love—and occasionally watching them sail into the stands—reportedly announced, “I’m hanging up my pads to become a full-time farmer. Football’s great, but nothing beats the thrill of milking cows at dawn!”

The jaw-dropping claim allegedly came during an impromptu press conference held in the bed of a rusty pickup truck outside a rural Wisconsin Culver’s, where Myers, sunburned and sporting a straw hat, addressed a crowd of confused Packers fans and one very curious goat. “I’ve blocked for the best, I’ve pancaked my share of nose tackles,” he shouted, waving a pitchfork for emphasis. “But my true calling is out there in the fields—growing corn, raising pigs, and maybe starting a TikTok channel called ‘Snaps to Snap Peas.’ Y’all can keep your Super Bowl dreams—I’ve got a silo to fill!”

Our exclusive source—a Culver’s cashier who claims Myers paid for his ButterBurger with a fistful of Packers trading cards—says the decision followed a heated FaceTime call with head coach Matt LaFleur, who offered Myers a contract extension worth “$10 million, a custom cheese curd trophy, and a guest spot on Wheel of Fortune.” Myers allegedly laughed it off, yelling, “Keep your millions, Matt! I’d rather wrestle a tractor than another 350-pound defensive lineman!” The cashier swears Myers then peeled out of the parking lot in a John Deere combine, blasting “Sweet Caroline” and leaving a trail of hay in his wake.

Myers, a 2021 second-round pick who’s been a steady if unspectacular presence on Green Bay’s offensive line, wasn’t even due to hit free agency this offseason—but why let facts ruin a good story? Rumors had swirled that the Packers were shopping him to teams like the Miami Dolphins (who dangled a beachfront condo and a pet flamingo) or the New York Giants (who offered a lifetime supply of stale bagels and a subway pass). Instead, Myers flipped the script, leaving Packers Nation wondering who’s going to protect Jordan Love from getting flattened next season—assuming Love doesn’t join him to start a craft cider business.

Not everyone’s swallowing this pastoral pivot. NFL insider Adam Schefter fired off an X post last night: “Josh Myers to farming? Either he’s trolling, or Green Bay’s O-line just got a lot thinner. I’m betting on the former—cows don’t hit back.” Packers fans, predictably, are a mess online: half are saluting Myers’s “return to the land” with teary-eyed tractor emojis, while the other half are convinced he’s secretly plotting a comeback as a celebrity judge on American Idol.

The drama escalated when Myers was allegedly spotted this week at a local feed store, haggling over a bulk discount on alfalfa while livestreaming the exchange to his 12 bewildered Instagram followers. Witnesses say he declared, “This is my Super Bowl now!” before accidentally tipping over a stack of grain sacks and fleeing in a cloud of dust—content that’s already racked up 300 views and a sponsorship offer from Tractor Supply Co.

What’s next for the Packers without Myers? With the draft approaching, GM Brian Gutekunst is reportedly scrambling, possibly eyeing a trade for a washed-up guard and a crate of vintage Brett Favre Wranglers. Meanwhile, prospects like LSU’s Emery Jones Jr. are left wondering if they’ll be snapping balls in Green Bay or dodging cow pies on Myers’s hypothetical farm. The offensive line’s looking shakier than a barn in a tornado—but hey, at least the cheese will still flow.

Myers, for his part, is keeping it cryptic. His latest X post, timestamped yesterday, reads: “New field, new game. Stay cheesy, Wisconsin.” New field where, Josh? Lambeau? A literal pasture? A gritty reboot of Little House on the Prairie where he wrestles Aaron Jones instead of wolves? The NFL—and the barnyard—holds its breath.

Hang on, Packers faithful. This harvest season’s about to get a lot weirder than a frozen tundra tailgate.