In a twist that absolutely no one saw coming—except maybe that one guy who’s been yelling about it on X since the Super Bowl ended—Deebo Samuel, the former San Francisco 49ers star turned trade-requesting drama king, is reportedly eyeing a shocking new destination for Super Bowl 2025. Forget the NFL for a minute; sources (read: our imaginations) confirm that Samuel is ditching the pros entirely to join forces with… the Florida Gators college football team. Yes, you heard that right—a man who’s caught passes from Brock Purdy and run circles around NFL defenses is now allegedly suiting up for a team best known for chomping their arms like deranged alligators at frat parties.

The news broke late last night when Samuel, presumably bored of the Bay Area’s artisanal sourdough and overpriced kombucha, posted a cryptic Instagram story featuring a swamp, a poorly photoshopped Gators helmet, and the caption: “New vibes, new scales, new me.” Naturally, the internet lost its collective mind. Was this a trade rumor gone rogue? A midlife crisis at age 29? Or had Deebo simply watched too many documentaries about Tim Tebow and decided it was time to relive the college glory days he already had?

Insiders—by which we mean a random dude named Chad who claims to have “connections” at a Gainesville Waffle House—say the move makes perfect sense. “The Gators need a spark,” Chad slurred over his third cup of coffee. “Their offense is slower than a turtle stuck in molasses, and Deebo’s got that NFL speed. Plus, he can probably outrun the campus police when they bust the tailgates.” Fair point, Chad. Fair point.

The fictional deal, reportedly brokered during a secret meeting at an alligator wrestling convention, would see Samuel traded from the 49ers to the NCAA for a haul of draft picks, a lifetime supply of Gatorade (the orange kind, obviously), and a promise that the Gators’ mascot, Albert, stops photobomming his press conferences. Sources say the 49ers were initially hesitant—after all, losing Samuel means admitting their offense might just be Christian McCaffrey and a prayer—but they caved when Florida threw in a coupon for 10% off at Bubba’s BBQ Shack.

So, what’s the Super Bowl 2025 connection? Here’s where it gets wilder than a spring break bender in Daytona Beach. Rumor has it that Samuel believes the Gators, under his leadership, can not only dominate the SEC but somehow crash the NFL playoffs through a loophole involving a forged birth certificate and a hastily written petition to Roger Goodell titled “Let Us In, You Cowards.” The plan? Win the college national championship, declare themselves “eligible” for the Super Bowl, and ride into New Orleans next February with Deebo as their do-it-all quarterback-wide-receiver-running-back-kicker (because why not?). It’s the kind of audacious nonsense that could only happen in a world where NIL deals have turned college football into a lawless Wild West.

Of course, not everyone’s buying this fever dream. NFL analysts, sipping their overpriced lattes on ESPN, scoffed at the idea. “Deebo’s not going to college,” said one pundit, adjusting his tie like it gives him credibility. “He’s 29, he’s got a $15 million option bonus coming, and he’d rather be traded to the Steelers or Broncos than play for free Gatorade and a dorm bunk.” Fair, but since when has logic stopped a good story? Meanwhile, Gators fans are already painting their faces orange and blue, chanting “Deebo Chomp” at every gas station between Miami and Tallahassee.

As for the 49ers, they’re reportedly fine with this absurdity. “If Deebo wants to go wrestle reptiles and eat questionable cafeteria food, that’s his funeral,” said an anonymous team source, possibly Kyle Shanahan in a fake mustache. “We’ve got Pearsall and Jennings. We’ll survive. Probably.”

Will Super Bowl 2025 really feature Deebo Samuel bulldozing through NFL defenses in a Gators jersey, spiking the ball into a vat of swamp water while Urban Meyer awkwardly cheers from the sidelines? Probably not. But in a world where Tom Brady un-retires twice and the Jets still think they’re a quarterback away from relevance, anything’s possible. Stay tuned—this journey’s just getting started, and it’s already weirder than a three-legged alligator on a skateboard.