The negative attention his hit received in the news, the backlash on social media, how he had been portrayed by the league, had become too much.

“I think the letter and the language that was used in it, and kind of the misconceptions of what my career has been, it was hard,” Al-Shaair said Wednesday in his first public comments to media since the suspension. “Not being able to be around anybody being in the facility, I was in a really dark place.”

The NFL suspended Al-Shaair for three games without pay for the hit on Lawrence while the quarterback was sliding. Al-Shaair couldn’t use the team facilities. He couldn’t attend meetings, practices or games. He was forced to stay home.

So for the first five days of his suspension, Al-Shaair said he did nothing.

He didn’t eat. He didn’t go anywhere. He didn’t talk to anyone. He sat in a room quiet with his thoughts.

“It was a like a blur,” he said.

But one Thursday or Friday, a foster organization he worked with during his time with the Tennessee Titans messaged him some words of encouragement on social media. The kids there missed him, the message read. Others also sent him positive messages.

He read the messages and thought to himself that he could keep sitting in bed and sulk, or he could be a positive influence and spread love.

So Al-Shaair says he hopped on a flight to Nashville the next morning to surprise the children in the foster organization.

“I tried to put my energy around good people that needed help,” he said. “Seeing those kids and seeing their face light up — because I had so many saying so many negative things. And to see people who were happy to see me, that’s what snapped me back.”

Al-Shaair has been through a lot in his life. He was homeless for some time during his childhood. He helped raise his two younger brothers while he was in college at Florida Atlantic. His family home caught on fire.

But the suspension, he said, was the toughest thing he’s had to go through in his life.

The three-game ban was the stiffest penalty handed down by the league for an on-field incident this year.

When Al-Shaair hit Lawrence, the quarterback was concussed. And after the hit, Jaguars tight end Evan Ingram pushed Al-Shaair in the back, inciting a brawl near the Jaguars’ sideline. The incident was broken up, but Al-Shaair took his helmet off and continued the altercation, even after his ejection.

That’s what caught the eye of Jon Runyan, the NFL’s vice president of policy and rules who announced the suspension in a strongly worded letter that made its way to social media.

“Your lack of sportsmanship and respect for the game of football and all those who play, coach, and enjoy watching it, is troubling and does not reflect the core values of the NFL,” Runyan wrote. “Your continued disregard for NFL playing rules puts the health and safety of both you and your opponents in jeopardy and will not be tolerated.”

So did Al-Shaair, who said he initially had no desire to continue his football career. Ryans then recommended Al-Shaair talk to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

“From my perspective, making sure that he talks to the powers that be in the NFL, so they can really, truly understand who he is as a man,” Ryans said.

Al-Shaair said he was initially against the idea because he didn’t feel the need to prove himself.

But there was one thought he just couldn’t shake.

Why did Runyan feel he didn’t respect the game?

“You’re pulling up three clips from over 3,000 snaps, six years’ worth of my work,” Al-Shaair said. “It just didn’t make sense.”

Talking it out with the NFL

 

The week leading up to the Texans’ Dec. 21 game against the Kansas City Chiefs, Al-Shaair made the decision to travel to New York to meet with Goodell, Runyan and Troy Vincent, the NFL’s executive vice president of football operations, at the league office.

Al-Shaair described it as a transparent and productive conversation.

He said Goodell explained why the decision was made to suspend him. And though Al-Shaair didn’t necessarily agree with three games, he understood the NFL’s stance in trying to protect players.

He also took responsibility for continuing the brawl.

“As a man, I clearly made a mistake,” Al-Shaair said. “The reason he typed (the letter), is because I did something that was obviously not right. Me taking my helmet off, me starting another brawl, that wasn’t right.”

But he stood on his assertion that he did not intentionally hurt Lawrence.

The thing that bothered Al-Shaair most was how the NFL characterized the situation.

Runyan claimed the wording in his letter was taken out of context, Al-Shaair said.

“I think things that were said didn’t match my career,” Al-Shaair said. “Things about being warned multiple times, repeatedly, all these things weren’t true. So just getting that clarity from them from what Runyan was thinking or where his head was at, I can respect somebody looking me in the face and saying ‘This is what I meant, it was wrong.’”

Al-Shaair said getting that clarity from the NFL, as well as clarity that he won’t become a target from the league, helped him get to a better place mentally.

He has since been able to move past it.

Efforts to reach the league office for comment were unsuccessful.

Moving forward

 

Al-Shaair said he has not spoken to Lawrence since the hit. He’s wrestled with what he should do.

“What I did was literally just playing football,” Al-Shaair said. “It was aggressive, 100%. By rule it was a penalty. 100%. But in no way shape or form was it me trying to harm him.”

When Al-Shaair returns to the field Sunday against the Titans, he’ll be playing against his former team with whom he spent the 2023 season before earning a big contract with the Texans.

He said he doesn’t plan to change how he plays, but he’ll try and be more mindful to pull when a quarterback is coming toward him.

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t there,” Al-Shaair said, when asked was he worried he could be faced with a similar situation. “But the best thing that could happen is the clarity from the league. And making sure we’re on the same page.

“For me, I’m just kind of moving forward from there.”