BREAKING: Mr. Irrelevant Goes Ultra-Relevant – Brock Purdy Donates Entire $25M Bonus to Charity in Stunning Move

(Santa Clara, CA) – In a plot twist nobody saw coming, San Francisco 49ers quarterback Brock Purdy – the last pick of the 2022 NFL Draft – has shockingly donated his entire $25 million signing bonus and $40 million Amazon sponsorship to homeless shelters and veterans organizations. The announcement came during what was supposed to be a routine press conference about his contract extension.

“I was the last pick in the draft,” Purdy said while wearing a thrift store flannel. “There are millions of people struggling every day – families without homes, kids without food, veterans without support. If I could be one of those people… wait, no, I mean help those people, that’s what being ‘Mr. Irrelevant’ is really about.”

Kyle Shanahan’s Reported Reaction

Sources inside 49ers headquarters say head coach Kyle Shanahan immediately called team doctors to check if Purdy had suffered another UCL injury – to his brain. “We just gave this kid generational wealth and he’s giving it away like it’s a Salvation Army kettle donation?” Shanahan was allegedly heard muttering.

Meanwhile, Trey Lance, watching from Dallas, reportedly texted teammates: “So THAT’S what you’re supposed to do with an NFL contract?”

Amazon Prime Panic

Purdy’s massive $40 million Amazon “Prime Purdy” sponsorship deal has executives scrambling. The campaign, which was supposed to feature Purdy delivering packages himself, will now apparently show him delivering checks to homeless shelters instead.

An anonymous Amazon spokesperson said: “We’re exploring if we can write this off as a same-day delivery expense.”

NFL World Stunned

Reactions across the league:

• Patrick Mahomes immediately increased his ketchup donation to local schools by 3%

• Jalen Hurts was seen donating several “Him” t-shirts to Goodwill

• Tom Brady unretired just to say “That’s not how you do it!” before re-retiring

The Purdy Effect

The donation has sparked wild speculation:

• Is this a secret ploy to get California tax breaks?

• Did Christian McCaffrey put him up to this?

• Is Purdy actually the world’s most successful MLM recruiter?

49ers fans are calling it the “Purdy Principle” – the belief that you should give away money faster than you make it. Critics point out Purdy still owns:

• A $5 million Silicon Valley home (but it’s a “modest” 4,500 sq ft)

• A Tesla (but it’s a used 2019 Model 3)

• An endorsement deal with Ross Dress for Less

The Bigger Picture

Whether this is:
A) The most selfless act in NFL history
B) A brilliant PR move by the 49ers
C) Proof that Purdy really is just happy to be here

One thing’s clear: In a league obsessed with money, Brock Purdy just threw the ultimate interception – to charity.