In a story that sounds more like a deleted scene from Grand Theft Auto than NFL reality, Dallas Cowboys rookie kicker Brandon Aubrey is facing possible league suspension and legal consequences after he and his grandfather allegedly crashed a military-grade tank into Elon Musk’s personal Tesla outside a high-end Dallas restaurant.

Yes, you read that right.

“It was loud, smoky, and honestly looked like a scene from a Michael Bay movie,” said an eyewitness. “Then someone said, ‘Wait, is that Brandon Aubrey driving the tank?’ and it got even weirder.”

🧨 What Happened?

According to Dallas police reports, the incident occurred just before midnight on Sunday in the Uptown neighborhood, a popular nightlife district. Witnesses say a decommissioned U.S. Army tank — now confirmed to be privately owned by Aubrey’s grandfather, a retired Marine — came barreling down McKinney Avenue before mounting the curb and crashing into a cherry-red Tesla Roadster parked outside a steakhouse.

That Roadster, it turns out, belonged to Elon Musk, who was in Dallas for an AI summit hosted at a SpaceX-linked startup earlier in the day.

“I just parked it there 15 minutes earlier,” Musk reportedly told police. “This is why we need robot-tank safety protocols.”

🧓 Who Is Grandpa?

The tank’s co-pilot was none other than Lloyd Aubrey, 82, a decorated veteran and longtime collector of military memorabilia. According to a statement from his lawyer, Lloyd believed the tank was “secured in neutral” when Brandon “accidentally bumped the throttle” while showing off its inner mechanics.

“My client deeply respects Mr. Musk,” the statement reads, “and had no intention of declaring war on electric vehicles.”

⚖️ Legal Fallout

Brandon Aubrey, 29 — who transitioned to football after a stint in pro soccer and was signed by the Cowboys in 2023 — has been charged with reckless operation of a vehicle, property damage exceeding $250,000, and operating unauthorized military equipment in a public zone (yes, that’s a real ordinance in Texas).

He was released on bond Monday morning and issued a brief apology outside the courthouse:

“I’m grateful no one was hurt. I love my grandfather — but next time, we’re sticking to golf carts.”

🏈 NFL & Team Reaction

The Cowboys released a short statement:

“We are aware of the incident involving Brandon Aubrey and are gathering more information. The player is cooperating fully with law enforcement.”

The NFL’s disciplinary committee is reportedly reviewing the matter, with insiders suggesting a multi-game suspension is “on the table.”

Cowboys head coach Mike McCarthy, when asked about the situation at minicamp, responded with visible exhaustion:

“I’ve coached a lot of players… but this is a first.”

🤖 Elon Musk Responds — Of Course, on X

As expected, Musk took to X (formerly Twitter):

“Was hoping to turn that Tesla into a Mars rover. Now it’s just a crater. #CyberTank2025”

He later posted a meme of a Roadster flattened like a pancake with the caption: “Not covered by autopilot.”

💥 The Internet Explodes

Social media quickly erupted in memes and hot takes, with hashtags like #TankGate, #TeslaTakedown, and #AubreyTheAnnihilator trending worldwide.

• One fan tweeted: “This kicker has more impact off the field than on it.”

• Another: “Cowboys special teams just rolled over the competition — literally.”

🤯 What’s Next?

Brandon Aubrey is expected to return to practice pending legal proceedings, though sources within the organization suggest his roster spot is now “less than guaranteed.” As for Grandpa Lloyd? He has reportedly offered to donate the tank to a veterans’ museum — under one condition:

“No more rookies behind the wheel.”