Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes (15) throws a pass during the first half against the Houston Texans at GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jay Biggerstaff-Imagn ImagesMy prediction for a Ravens-Eagles Super Bowl, published on this very site less than two weeks ago, is toast. It was a false vision of a far preferable matchup.
Instead, this timeline—as always—is the worst timeline. I have seen the light: The Kansas City Chiefs are going to win Super Bowl LIX. Because of course they are.
But once I saw the Chiefs beat the Texans 23-14 in the divisional round (improving to 7-0 in games officiated by Clay Martin), I understood why none of that mattered.
Now, the head referee for the Super Bowl will be Ron Torbert, and he’s no Martin: The Chiefs are apparently 5-5 when Torbert is their ref. But you can toss that record out when Kansas City is losing by four; it’s third-and-8, and Mahomes gets lightly taken to the ground on an incomplete pass.
All those fans booing in the stadium? All those Swifties on social media, starting to look up where you live? You know his hand will twitch once or twice and then start to reach for his flag, as though possessed by something deep in his subconscious. It doesn’t have to be part of some grander league-rigging conspiracy to acknowledge that referees have been overly deferential to this team.
There’s also the matter of Travis Kelce. He spent last offseason filming “Grotesquerie,” “Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity?” and at least 90 commercials, and lo and behold he was invisible for most of the regular season. Maybe he tanked your fiancé’s fantasy football team. I’m not speaking from personal experience or anything.
Well, after spending four months warming up, Kelce had his best showing of the season in the divisional round with seven catches for 117 yards and a touchdown. He’s back, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
You can rattle off any stat you’d like about the Bills, Eagles or Commanders, and it wouldn’t sway me. We’re destined for another year of noxious discourse about how Josh Allen (and Lamar Jackson) just can’t win the big one. Another year of scalding takes about Jalen Hurts’ and Nick Sirianni’s shortcomings.
The Kansas City Chiefs are going to win their third consecutive Super Bowl. It won’t feel like a milestone in NFL history, and the celebrations will be confined to Kansas and Missouri. But the world will continue to turn and we’ll continue to consume this monotonous league, dreaming once again of next year.
